Shopping!

I've been "window shopping" online and these are a few things I found and thought were pretty cool.

So I'm starting to grow out of my clothes and being a frugal shopper, I am trying not to spend too much on maternity clothes. I am borrowing some but I am finding it hard to get pants that will fit.
The Bella Band

I liked these because they were cute, will match our baby's room and are unisex.
Giant Soft Block & Ball Set

Through the years my Mom has taught me the value of traveling with zip bags.
The Ultimate Diaper Bag Organizing Pouches

This particular tub was made for me. I think you will agree.
White Hot Safety Duck Tub

Saw this in a magazine and thought is was a good idea.
Baby Brella

I saw this high chair on HGTV last year and thought it was a good idea for a high chair. It looked pretty easy to clean up and it converts to a toddler seat. I actually already have a high chair which is a good thing considering how much this one cost. $575 yikes!
Nest High Chair by Mozzee

Again something I saw in a magazine. I thought the idea was "fun".
Belly Art Henna Kit

That's all for now. Check back to see what else I find on the net.

A Sigh of Relief

On Monday the 9th we went in for our ultrasound. Our appointment was at 8pm and we arrived a few minutes early not wanting to be late in any way. We were the only people in the waiting room and only had to wait a few minutes before we were called back.

We were shown into the ultrasound room which was softly lit by a single desk lamp. I guess this is so the technician can see the monitor better but it also is very soothing and relaxing. I was instructed to go into he bathroom, empty my bladder and get undressed from the waist down as this would be an 'internal' ultrasound. I came out in the paper gown, got on to the table and into the stirrups. Jamie was a little embarrassed and turned his head while I got settled.


The procedure begins. I won't shock you with the gory details but to suffice it to say it was rather 'invasive'. The technician is a very soft spoken woman with a sweet voice she knows are concerns about an ectopic. She begins to tell me what we are looking at - My ovaries, my intestines, my uterus. She says it looks like I got pregnant from the right ovary. Finally she says the words we are waiting for...our baby is right where is should be. We were ecstatic. She kept calling it a "baby dot" and as you can see you can't really tell very much about it. She magnified the image and showed us the fetal pole and the yolk sac which nourishes the embryo until the placenta is formed. Then we could see it's little heart beating! 103 beats per minutes she said! A nice healthy heart rate. She estimated the age of the baby to be 6 weeks old.

Our next ultrasound will be around 20 weeks and hopefully we will be able to hear the heart beat. Knowing that everything is in it's place took a big weight off my shoulders. After that we felt like we could start telling people about the pregnancy.

Numbers game

The next morning we got an appointment at the doctor. With a mixture of excitement and fear we arrived, paid our co-pay and waited to be called. Me a little anxiously since I had to pee and was holding it for the urine test. Once called back, Jamie was sent to wait in some chairs and I was sent to pee in the cup. When finished I found Jamie holding my purse, sitting next to another guy holding a purse, trading baby stories.

My nurse was Nuala, she had a nice little Scottish or Irish accent. I can't tell the difference. She showed me my pee test and confirmed that it was indeed "positive". We went into her little nurses office and she laid it all out for me. She figured out how far along I was based on my last period. Then using a little wheel shaped chart, calculated my due date at December 7th. The significance was not apparent at the time, but later I was reminded that was Pearl Harbor Day.

Nuala said we needed to track my hormone levels over the next few days to make sure they doubled every 48 hours so I would need to have some blood tests done. My progesterone level needed to be between 12 and 20 and increase until the placenta was formed.

I asked about a sonogram and was told not until 10 or 12 weeks as we really couldn't see anything at my current stage of 4.5 weeks. I was upset, knowing full well that 15 years ago at 4 weeks they were able to tell there wasn't a baby in there why couldn't they tell there was a baby in there today? Surely medical science had advance enough since then.

I did not push the issue.

Nuala gave me some samples of prenatal vitamins and a sheet that listed what over the counter medications I could and could not take for various reasons. I was told I could not take my Claritin until 12 weeks. Now this just happened to be the week everything outside turned green under all that pollen. How was I going to survice allergy season?

I was sent out to the waiting area for the Lab until I was called to take my blood. Jamie came to sit next to me and I cried totally beside myself with worry over my little baby. How could I live the next 6 weeks in constant fear that every little pain could be the sign of another ectopic? There was no way I could enjoy this experience knowing that it could all be false and end in a miscarriage. Lou Ann, the lady I usually see when I am in for my yearly exams saw me in the waiting area and tried to comfort me. Eventually I was called back to give blood and was told to return on Thursday to repeat the test.

* * * * * * * *

Wednesday - The doctor's office called to tell my that my hormone levels were "excellent" and they wanted to go ahead and schedule an ultrasound for the following Monday. Hallelujah! I was so relieved.

* * * * * * * *

Thursday - The next appointment to give blood. I snuck a peak at my chart and saw my hormone level at the first test was 8639. It seemed like a good number at the time.

Nuala, obviously not used to such a morose looking mother tried to asure me that everything was going to be alright and it was ok to be excited. I can understand it must have been an odd reaction for a planned pregnancy but I was really worried something bad was going to happen. If I got my hopes up and was disappointed I might not recover. My mom said "I've been praying for a baby not a pregnancy. So what you have is a baby!" That made me feel better and surely God would not do this to me again. He has blessed us so much already why not this too.

Once I got back to work I did a little research online about hormones levels and what they meant. Levels as high as mine at 4 weeks either meant you really were further along or you have more than one baby in there. We had an exciting few days speculating on twins as it tends to run in my family.

* * * * * * * *
Monday - The doctor's office called again with my test results and was told again that they were "excellent". 23997 on the pregnancy hormone HCG and 35.3 on the progesterone. Remember I said they were supposed to double every 48 hours? Well 8639 x 2 = 17278 and I was WAY over that level.

Could there really be two babies? The ultrasound would tell and it was only 8 hours away....

Two Pink Lines

It's funny how two little pinks lines can mean the culmination of years of planning and dreaming and praying and also be the realization of every fear you ever had about trying to have a baby.

We were married on October 2006 after dating for four years. we knew we want to start trying to get pregnant right away. I'm 35 so the clock is ticking...so I stopped the pill right after the honeymoon. I know some of you TTC folks will be a little peeved that we got prego after only 5 months and it wasn't like we were doing it like rabbits either. Although someone did loan us a bunny plaque for good luck.

I had a sneaky suspicion something was up that week anyway so I told Jamie that if I didn't start by the weekend I would take a test on Sunday. I've taken several in the past 5 months in the hopes that we were but this time it was almost a confirmation of what I already knew. Some people say you just know and I guess I did. I mean I sent food back at a restaurant and I NEVER do that. I mean I love food...a lot! So I took the test and there they were the two little lines. I peed on the stick and walked away for a few minutes not being able to bear to watch the one line appear and not the second. I wish I had stayed to watch...maybe the shock would not have been as great. Jamie followed me into the bathroom to check the results.

"what is it?" he asked
I showed him the test "two lines means pregnant!" and I burst into tears. Sobs even. I haven't cried that hard since I found out my Dad had a stroke.
"these are happy tears right?" he asked
"yeeesss" I replied rather tearfully

We hugged. I tried to compose myself then ran to the phone to call my Parents and sister.
(Side note - my parents divorced when I was young and mom married a nice guy named Stoney. My other Dad is now widowed and living with my Aunt and Uncle. Dad has aphasia from his stroke. He can't talk very well which is why I didn't call him.)

My sister answered the phone.
"i'm pregnant" I sob, bursting into tears again.
"who is this?" she asked
"it's your sister!"
I can't remember what happened after that. My mom was on the phone by then and then Stoney was there congratulating me. They were all so happy.
"don't tell anyone" i say
"can I tell Matthew?" asked my sister. Matthew is her fiance.
"sure I said"
She called back 15 minutes later "this isn't some cruel April Fool's joke is it?"
"no! wasn't I crying?" I said.
Who can blame her it was April Fool's Day.

I wouldn't let them tell anyone else. There's an old wives tale that it's bad luck to tell you are pregnant until the 2nd trimester. Mainly because most miscarriages happen in the first 3 months of pregnancy. A good friend of mine just went through something similar. A lot of people knew she was pregnant and when she lost the baby and all those people had to be told. I can't go through that...not again.

***SPOILER ALERT***
I caution you not to read the following lest you find out things about me and my past you would rather not know. Also I talk about some pretty grody lady stuff.

Jamie is not my first husband, in fact he is my 3rd. By far the best man I have ever dated, married, maybe even known. My parents love him, all my friends love him. Everyone loves him. That cannot be said of the first two.

We call them Shithead and Cockface. We used to call them Shithead1 and Shithead2 but Jamie says they were unique individuals and deserve their own names. Jamie came up with Cockface. Anyway...I learned very soon in the marriage to Cockface that I had made a mistake and I definitely didn't want to have kids with him. I stayed on the pill the whole marriage.

Shithead on the other hand was my first. I was a virgin before him. We used condoms for protection. I had never even been to a gynecologist so I wasn't on the pill. I had pretty bad periods back then. Heavy bleeding and very bad cramps. My periods lasted for 7 days at least. This time was no different except I was pretty nauseous that day. I even tried to throw up a few times but nothing came up. Finally I went home sick from work. I was out of pads having gone through and entire package that cycle.

Shithead was still at work and my cramping was too bad to go to the store myself. So I laid on the bed with a washcloth between my legs waiting for him to get home. I called my cousin Alicia and chatted with her until Shithead got home from work. He refused to go the store and buy pads. So he drove me to grocery store behind our apartment. We went inside...I went for the pad aisle and he went for the pain medication aisle. I got sick and ran to the bathroom almost threw up on the attendant cleaning the bathrooms. We got home and Shithead called the doctor who said to bring me in immediately.

Once there I received my first pelvic exam while I puked in a trash can over the side of the exam table. He said I might be having a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant. We drove to the hospital and checked in. Once in the room Shithead left to go home and call my parents. On the way he stopped by our church and let them know what was going on.

Meanwhile I'm in the bathroom changing into my hospital gown. I asked the nurse for a pad, she brings me one. When I open it I can't figure out how to use it. There is no adhesive. I'm on the toilet trying to figure out what to do with the damn thing when one of the ladies from our church comes into the room. I call out from the bathroom. She asks if there is anything I need. I ask for a nurse. Nurse comes in I burst into tears and ask how to use the pad. She asks if I want a belt or some underwear. A belt? Are you kidding me? These people are still using belts? I ask for underwear.

Fast Forward...doctors come and go. I get several more exams down there and then a nurse shows up to insert a catheter. They take me to radiology for a sonogram or something. At some point someone took blood for a pregnancy test. They fill my bladder and clamp off the catheter. The sonogram begins. A woman runs the machine running that thing over my belly and doing what ever it is they do. A man walks in and looks at the monitor. No one speaks to me. The man asks "was the test positive?" the woman says "yes". That's how I found out I was pregnant. No one even tells me...I just over hear it.

They let go of my bladder and take me back to my room. In the time it takes to wheel me back, I go through all the emotions one has upon finding out this wonderful news. I think it's a girl. I hope it lives.

Stuff happens...it's all a blur. They get me ready for surgery, put me on a gurney and take me to the operating room. An orderly or something is there to make sure I am ok. He looks like Harry Connick, Jr. and had a nice smile. He brings me a blanket from the blanket warmer. It is nice an toasty. They wheel me in to surgery. I think 'shouldn't I already be asleep?' Nurses are dashing around the OR. Whipping blue towels off of gleaming silver instruments. One uncovers a bowl that I know part of me will soon be laying in. I know this because at some point they explained that I was having an ectopic pregnancy. My embryo got caught in my tube and began to develop eventually rupturing the tube and killing itself.

They strap me down. I begin to get a little freaked out as I don't remember seeing this 'strapping down' part in the movies or on TV. The anesthesiologists says "count down from 100" and places a mask on my face. I get to 98. I wake up with a nurse pulling socks on to my feet and talking to me. After I wake up they wheel me back to my room. Mom and Stoney are there having made the 3 hour trip from Atlanta to where I was in record time. Once they see I am OK they return home and promise to come back on the weekend. My friend Alison stays in the hospital with me that night sitting on the floor reading magazines just being there in case I needed her.

And Shithead, well he would visit but claimed he didn't feel comfortable in hospitals. Once he left before visiting hours were over so he could get home in time to watch Sienfeld. Yeah he was a jerk and I knew it. I would find out later that he was having an affair with one of his co-workers at Wal-Mart. She was in high school and 10 years younger than us. I heard her parents grounded her and forbade her from seeing Him because he was married. I could tell you alot of stuff he did that made him a jerk, a shithead. I'm pretty sure he left that night claiming he was going to watch Sienfeld when really we was going to met up with that girl. It's ok though cause they both got what was coming to them in the end. But that's another story.

One day while I was in the hospital recovering, a lady friend of mine stopped by with a little gift. It was a Precious Moments ornament in the shape of a little bell. I don't remember what it says on it, I read it once and couldn't bear to read it again. Every year I would put it on my Christmas tree. She talked to me that day about God's plan and stuff like that, she was a minister of some sort. I could only nod and cry a little. I wasn't really sure how I felt at that point.

Now I know I dodge a bullet. God really does have a plan and things really do happen for a reason. If I had that baby I would have been tied to that man for the rest of my life. God loves me too much to put me through that. I know he meant for me and Jamie to find each other eventually. I couldn't love anyone as much as I love him. And I couldn't be happier than I am right now carrying his child.